As I continue on the path of discovery, I have found an opening to the discovery of self and the amazing thing is that this in itself is by far the most fascinating discovery I've made so far. As I continue the search for harmony and fulfillment it becomes clearer by the day that unless and until you look in the right places, all your efforts will be futile. As one writer puts it..."We sometimes travel for miles to find what was always right where you started from"....It's an enlightening thought and those who finally understand the true meaning of that statement will rise to a higher level of peace and understanding.
It is fascinating though not all together surprising to learn that who we often think we are is really not the true reflection of ourselves but a person created in our own shallow thinking. Complicated? maybe but certainly worth understanding. When we start to remove the blinders from our eyes and learn how to look inward then we'll see that it is really not that complicated. What is difficult is the acceptance of this state that we have created and wrapped ourselves in. Like an actor in a drama sketch, we act the part, we take on the persona of the character but alas, the play comes to an end and the lights come on and we have to step out of character and accept the applause or boos from the audience. And so we go through life, day after day pretending to be the character we have created but seldom finding peace or fulfillment because in fact, we are not who we pretend to be. We behave in different ways or hang on to one vice or another to help us get through the day. A few glasses of wine, a shot of this or that, excessive eating, gambling and of course the ever present lure of sex. We become slaves to these habits as we feel incomplete without them...but then the night is over and we have to go our separate ways and it is during that period when we examine our lives we realize that despite all the liquor and carousing we are still empty and so tomorrow we slavishly repeat those very actions and the beat goes on.
I know of colleagues and friends who seem to have every earthly thing that one could desire and yet, when you listen to them you immediately realize that these are men with deep seated internal worries. Their days are spent desperately trying to get more of what they already have too much of...the discussions are almost always about women, sex or money. They all live in stately homes but they spend very little time in their homes...it is just a place where they go when there is no place else to go. Some are married and some are not but the behaviour is not really different...the married ones speak braggingly of their concubines and the unmarried ones speak of the many sweethearts. Others drop names and speak of a meeting with Mr. So and So which I suppose will gauge his level of importance...and on and on it goes.
At first I would become annoyed at all the frivolous chatter about these things but as I learned more about myself, I have become more understanding of their folly. I must, since I was kind of like that once, not at that same level but the drinking and carousing was a big part of my daily routine until it dawned on me that I was slavishly chasing after this false sense of belonging and took remedial steps to curtail or halt my actions. I now know that they are being that way because of their spiritual blindness and if a man was born blind he will never truly know what it is like to have sight. If by chance however, he becomes sighted and for the first time his eyes are opened to the wondrous sights and scenes of God's creation, he is sure to stop and take notice. I have certainly done so...and its an amazing feeling not to be driven but instead to just float along almost effortlessly.
As I turn the spotlight inward and pause to take a good look at self, I have found that those things that troubled me so much are now greatly minimized and I no longer get jittery every time something goes contrary to what I first believed or hoped for. I still sit and have a drink with my friends occasionally but unlike times gone by, I feel no anxiety when I'm absent from the drinking and carousing...and I find a lot more time to meditate, read and listen to music.
Here is a simple test...you have to be truthful but then you must because it is impossible to lie to yourself...Ask yourself if you are truly happy...assuming you are not mistaking excitement for happiness, you will soon see that your entire life is being spent chasing one dream after the other and if you are not careful, you will sprint through life chasing rainbows without ever stopping to admire the colours thereof...Ask yourself...Who Am I and What Is My Purpose In Life? Don't rush the answers but if you allow your true self to answer, the right answer will come...."Man is in a peculiar psychic sleep, which he fails to recognize...he therefore brushes it aside as if it has nothing to do with his life" Many great books including the Bible have numerous references to our living slumber...Awake from your slumber...but be ignore and continue through life bumping into one obstacle after another, living with misery and pain...Awakening starts when you recognize that you are sleeping...The Mystic Path To Cosmic Power by Vernon Howard.
